Pitch Perfect Posters 17: Big Foot
Back in the seventies and eighties, film posters offered so much but the movies they advertised delivered so little. Well, not any more. Cutting edge technology, digital filmmaking and sheer balls-out chutzpah means we can now bring those films to celluloid life.
So, every so often, we will post a new poster, a logline, casting suggestions and a synopsis of the film. And someone in Hollywood is going to see this and make the films that these amazing posters deserve. Today’s film…Big Foot
Title: Big Foot
The elevator pitch: Kong vs Mad Max vs Smokey vs The Bandit vs The X-Files vs Congo (ok, maybe not vs Congo) vs Trainspotting (yeah, really…) with a pinch of Okja and Supersize Me
Synopsis: On the mystical, misty, isolated Scottish island of FOOT, the brilliant Alicia Quorn (Millie Bobby Brown), the world’s pre-eminent vegan scientist, is working on a plan to create plant-based cattle. That’s right, cows made entirely from plants.
When the ruthless CEO of Big Beef Inc. John Beef (John Hamm) discovers her plan, he hires a team of bikers led by the deranged Bevin Kacon (Kevin Bacon) to slaughter the herd and flood Scotland with heroin-laced beefburgers.
With the police and FBI on Beef’s payroll, Quorn’s only chance to save her ‘cows’ is to use her connection with the mythic, forest-dwelling plant-munching monster known to the locals as Big Foot (Benedict Cumberland).
Together, this beauty and beast team have to fight off the feds, the cops and the bikers before Big Beef turns Scotland into a smack-addled, meat-munching, violent wasteland.
Why it should be made: Everyone loves a ‘vs’, right? Everyone loves Big Foot, right? Everyone loves vegans, right? Well, vegans do. I mean vegans are going to race to this (or walk very slowly — ha, yeah, easy vegan ‘gag’!) and all the red-meat-munching, right-wing keyboard warriors are going to go nuts (or the meat equivalent — ha, yeah, easy carnivore ‘gag’!). Think how much you’d save on marketing. So, just chuck those savings my way and get this made.
