Pitch Perfect Posters 16: The Legend of Hillbilly John
Back in the seventies and eighties, film posters offered so much but the movies they advertised delivered so little. Well, not any more. Cutting edge technology, digital filmmaking and sheer balls-out chutzpah means we can now bring those films to celluloid life.
Here what’s going to happen. When we can, we will put up a new poster, a logline, a synopsis of the film and tell you why it should be made. And someone in Hollywood is going to see this and make the films that these amazing posters deserve. Today’s film…The Legend of Hillbilly John
Title: The Legend of Hillbilly John
Logline: A Star is Born meets Deliverence meets Jurassic Park
Synopsis: John “Lynx” Melonfarmer (Tom Hiddleston) is a washed-up Southern Rock legend with a coke and booze habit to rival Motley Crue and a sense of self-loathing that Kurt Cobain would have envied.
While on his farewell US tour, John stops off a strip club. While he went in for booze, breasts and broads, he comes out with a sense of hope, a song in his heart and, most importantly, singing sensation Sarah Stretch (Emma Stone).
He decides to bring her on the tour. She’s a smash hit. Sarah soon becomes the main attraction and, in a strange twist, John couldn't be happier. He decides to cut the booze and coke and manage her full time. But before he can take that next step, fate has something dark in store.
When their tour bus breaks down in the Arizona desert, they are attacked by packs of genetically modified prehistoric “Hillbilly” birds. How do we know they’re “Hillbillies”? Because they can talk, they drink moonshine and they’re all related. The birds kill the crew, kidnap Sarah and leave John for dead.
Now, armed only with his guitar, John must save himself, rescue Sarah and finally become the ‘Legend of Hillbilly John.”
Why it should be made: A Star is Born was moving and dramatic but it didn't feature a single murderous pterodactyl. Deliverence was tense and thrilling but it didn't feature any tunes. Jurassic Park was ground-breaking and exciting but didn’t feature gratuitous boob shots and scenes of drug use. Well, this one’s got all that and more. And it’ll get the Oscar for best song.
